春节忌讳

中国人在过春节时有诸多禁忌，主要为了保平安，在来年事事顺心，万事如意。由初一至初十的禁忌有：

初一：鸡日，旧时在元旦贴画鸡辟邪祈福（鸡谐音吉ji） 。
初二：狗日，出外拜年或祭祖。
初三：羊日，易生口角，不宜拜年。
初四：猪日，祭财神。
初五：牛日，"破五"，可打破诸多禁忌："送穷五"初一至初四的垃圾不能倒掉，免倒财气，初 五的垃圾视为穷土，倒掉就送穷出门。
初六：马日，送神的日子，把除夕送来的财神纸马烧掉，店开始复业。
初七：人日，人的生日，又是聚餐吃喝，又有放花炮烟花，启烟火的习俗，是火的生日。
初八：谷日，诸星下界，因此要祭星，寺庙往往在这天设坛祭星 。
初九：天爷生日，玉皇大帝诞辰，举行盛大的祭天活动。
初十：石头生日，凡是磨、碓、碾等石制用具都忌动用，叫石不动，甚至烧香祭拜石具。

4 Reasons Why You Should Save Your Marriage

Reason 1
Children. According to an article in the Mercury News written in 2004 recent research suggests that children of divorce face many more hurdles. It is now believed that children do better in school, have less depression, less marital struggle and longer marriages when they grow up in a house with both biological parents.

Reason 2
You and your spouse probably do love each other. This is just a test and the truth of the matter is that if you have children those children put stress on your marriage.

Most people believe the myth that children bring couples together but in fact 70% of couples polled said that marital satisfaction dropped and didn't return until the kids went to college. Having children and raising a family can be very tough. Rather than give up on your marriage realize that it's just a temporary tough time until you get your kids raised.

Reason 3
Life is better when you're married and you'll outlive a lot of those single swingers. Interestingly enough, men have a lower life expectancy than women but married men have a longer life expectancy than single men. If you want to live longer, especially if you're a man, stay married. Also, when couples enter retirement actuarial studies have found that both spouses live longer than their single counterparts.

Reason 4
Starting over is tough - and expensive!. Throwing the baby out with the bath water is an unnecessary move. The road to an improved marriage is paved with bumps, side roads and occasional unmarked twists and turns. In the long run, having someone who knows you and is used to your idiosyncrasies is of more benefit than hindrance.

Too many people nowadays suffer from the Hollywood version of romance - the fairy tale. Well, that's the fairy tale!

The road to restoring any marriage is more communication and improved communication skills. Also needed is accepting that no person is perfect and that each brings their own issues to the relationship.

How to Restore Your Marriage

Is your marriage in a rut? Do you feel unloved, lonely, and unknown by your spouse? Do you even remember why you married them in the first place? Are you thinking about giving up on your marriage?

Before you give up, try and make it work. You've probably tried everything you can think of to revitalize your marriage, right? You probably have. But here's a few other ideas you may want to consider & try.

1.
Remember that you not only love your spouse, but you like them, too. Remember when you could sit and talk for hours on the phone or in the car? You have things in common; some parts of your personality are similar to theirs. Engage in conversation about anything deeper than the normal, superficial "how are you?" The typical response to that is "fine." Let your spouse know that you are genuinely interested in them and their thoughts and feelings.

2.
Do things together that you used to like doing, like watching your favorite sitcom, taking evening walks, working outside, going to the park, or eating out. The bottom line is: you can be in love with someone, but you're marriage is only going to last if you remember all the reasons why you actually like that person. Loving is easy; liking goes beyond feelings and involves the mind, personality, and emotions. If you don't like someone, then you'll never be close because you'll never connect. You won't be able to engage in deep & interesting conversations and stimulate each other's minds for years to come. And you won't have anything fun to do together. So remember why you liked your spouse when you were dating!

And if you think they have changed and you realize that you don't like your spouse, take time to examine their lives, hearts, character, and opinions. Chances are, you'll be able to create a long list of things that you like about your spouse. And that will help you re-connect.

3.
Realize that the one thing you want from your spouse may be different than the one thing they want most from you. For example, it is common knowledge that men crave the respect of their wives more than anything else, and that women desperately need to know that their husbands love them. If either of these is thrown into doubt, even for an instant, it can wreak havoc on the person's state of mind, and will cause a gap in your marriage.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him. He believes that if he feels respected by you, then he automatically feels loved. Feeling respect is the gateway to how men perceive love.

Wives, on the other hand, desperately need to be convinced of their husband's love. If they doubt that fact, they will be confused, anxious, over-analyzing, suspicious, and ultimately devastated. Women tend to personalize and internalize everything, so if the woman doesn't feel loved, she'll assume that her husband must not love her and that she is somehow the source of the problem. When a woman feels loved by her husband, she automatically feels respected. There's no question about it for her, because everything else easily falls into place as soon as she feels secure in her husband's love.

4.
So now you realize that men & women want and need different things from each other. Take action! Find out how your husband most wants to know & feel respected, then do it! For example, if you merely say, "Honey, I really respect you," and your husband still doesn't really feel respected, what did you do wrong? Perhaps you simply missed his pressure points. Perhaps what he really needs is for you to let him make a decision in front of your or his friends. Or trust him to take care of something and not nag him about it. Perhaps he wants more respectful "actions" from you, rather than just words. Find out which he responds to best!

All you husbands out there! Does your wife ask you all the time, "do you really love me?" Or some version? Or do you see the question in her eyes, always nagging at her? Why can't she quit worrying if you love her or not? Of course you love her; you married her and you provide for her!

But your wife may simply need you to show her or tell her that you love her in a different way. Instead of words, maybe she really loves it when you hug her and touch her face. Or maybe she really feels your love when you do something around the house without having to be asked. Explore the different ways that your wife wants to feel & hear your love. You won't be disappointed!

5.
Pursue your spouse. This means not waiting for them to make the first move to apologize after a squabble. This means going that extra mile to do something nice for them, like filling their gas tank, without any thought of acknowledgment or gratitude. Remember when you were dating and you did all those sweet and wonderful things for each other? You made her handmade things, you bought him stuff, you went fun places just to be alone? What happened? What made you think that she stopped liking those things? Why do you think that he no longer wants to go to all those fun places?

Do nice things for your spouse, and don't wait for them to make the first move, even if you feel like you've been the only one trying. Sooner or later, your spouse is going to recognize the difference in you and will begin to appreciate all the sacrifices that you're making for them. Keep your chin up and keep going!

Things You'll Need:
Patience
Love
Respect
Determination
An Attitude of Service

活人不救，只捞尸体 （转载）

中国人的价值观出了什么问题？

“活人不救、只捞尸体”，是我这辈子听过最为毛骨悚然的话。长江大学15名见义勇为大学生搭人梯救落水儿童时，一渔船停在附近，大学生多次跪求船主施救遭拒，船主称“活人不救，只捞尸体”，最后一共收取了3.6万元的捞尸费。

现场多名同学证实，打捞船船主挟尸要价。有目击者现场拍下照片为证：画面上，被打捞上来的一具大学生的遗体被绳子绑着，大半个身子浸在水里；一名穿白衬衫的老年男子，一边拉着绑尸体的绳子，一边摆手和岸上的师生谈价要钱。这张照片刊登在今天的广州日报上，这也是我这辈子看过最为毛骨悚然的照片。

我从不惮于以最大的恶意来揣测国人，但现实一次又一次冲击我忍受的底线。这个社会到底怎么回事啊？在广州，一个18岁的女孩被车撞倒，司机撞人后，回头看到女孩还在挣扎，竟然倒车把女孩再压了一回。这事就发生在我公司对面！在重庆，夜总会就建在司法局楼上，里面的女孩子们每天要接四十多个客人，没完成定额就会挨打！为了提高“产量”，她们还得定期服药以控制月经！深圳的富士康事件，美国苹果公司和英国的金融时报都来中国调查了，调查数字是工人每天15个小时以上的劳动，月工资只有350元，还不到上个世纪80年代工资的一半！就这点儿钱还形成全国性拖欠！未来的哪个历史学家能相信这些事情是真实的！

郎咸平讲现在中国处于“人类历史上最野蛮、最黑暗、最腐朽的时代”，看了文章后我感到痛心疾首。看看现在的中国，官无廉官，吏无能吏，兵无勇士，军无良将，民无良民，甚至盗无侠盗。假烟假酒、有毒食品、无效药品、肮脏的注射器等等，从偷偷造假到大规模公开造假，为了自己赚钱而不惜致他人于死地，而自己没有任何愧疚的感觉。

这是一个礼崩乐坏的时代！而这一切又是为了什么？我常常想：为什么我们文明古国会落到礼崩乐坏的田地啊？难道中国人素质天生就低？以前精英们总拍了个《河殇》，还写了本《丑陋的中国人》，专门贬低中国人，说中国黄土地上产生的“黄色文明”，天然就是劣等文明，唯一出路就是让西方“蓝色文明”来替代它。可是，同样在中国，有一个时代，根本不会有人想到“制假售假”、坑害别人。国庆期间我拜访一位原二炮的老专家，他说那时候真的是夜不闭户，在北京，夜晚一个女孩子上街，根本不用担心。就奉献精神和牺牲精神来说，中国人表现的更是感天动地，就说朝鲜战场，当时美国人打败天下无敌手，却被中国人民志愿军打的焦头烂额，前几天我再看一次《上甘岭》，忍不住热泪纵横！

改革后社会风气坏了，但是在那一年春天，我又一次看到这样的情景，当时北京和全国大街上发生自发游行，声援北京的学生。全国有数千万人上街。人与人的关系都变得纯洁了。那期间，连偷窃现象忽然很罕见了。一天早上我骑车上班时，路过王府井南口，忽然看见一个小偷在偷一个人的包，旁边的人马上喊起来了，结果互不相识的路人都拥上去，追打这个小偷。那小偷后来蹲在地上求饶。这时有人说：“都到现在这个时候了，你还敢偷！”小偷根本不敢回嘴，更不要说凶相毕露、拿刀戳人了。谁说中国人一定冷血啊！

其实中国的问题是在精英而不是在百姓，中国老百姓的文明素质没有问题，有问题的是那些官们。就拿南京彭宇案和上海钓鱼案来说，看了报道后你还敢做好人吗？我是不敢的。之前我还是会做一点好事，给人让个座，过马路搀扶个老人什么的……可是在彭宇案后，连扶老人都不敢了。老婆说得好，就算我们有四万块钱，我们还要养老人小孩，还要给政府交税……我也知道这样不好，我有父母，我不希望他们万一跌倒在地，而我们又不在身边的时候，竟然没有一个人施以援手……而且我自己也有老的那一天。可是作为一介小民，我有什么办法呢？如果有人因为我的不作为而受害，那么应该怪谁呢？

以前我也认为是中国人有问题，这么一比较才知道中国人并不差，我们的老祖宗更没有罪。精英们凭什么要几千年前的孔夫子来负责呀！民间道德的丧失，个体行为的紊乱，是一个国家政治伦理混乱的结果，制度如渠，百姓如水，渠道怎么设，水就怎么流，不纠正国家的政治伦理，就不可能重建社会的道德体系。

我们天天说美国是金钱国家，可美国的国家旗帜上写的也不是金钱，写的是平等博爱民主自由，唯有中国放弃了政治旗帜，这就是著名的猫论：“甭管黑猫白猫，抓住老鼠就是好猫”——有谁的政治纲领提出不分黑白的呢？但这成了我们的根本理论宗旨。按照猫论，一个姑娘走上社会，做工人这只猫，一个月才几百块钱；做小姐这只猫，一晚上就几百块钱，你说哪只猫好？肯定是做小姐这只猫好。按照猫论，船老板老老实实捕鱼，能有多少收入？现在“活人不救,只捞尸体”,白天每人1万2(人民币),晚上1万8,自然是捞尸体这只猫好。所以老板说，“长江上哪天不死人，不死几个人我们靠什么挣钱啊?”。“荆州市长江水上打捞有限公司”甚至垄断了当地的打捞尸体业务,当地渔民如果私自打捞就会受到恐吓甚至被砸船。正是通过如此途径垄断打捞业务,该公司才敢向落水者家属漫天要价。这也是深得猫论的三昧。

第二就是特色理论。特色理论说我们是中国特色的社会主义，什么叫中国特色社会主义？按照标准解释，就是和资本主义有本质区别，和社会主义有原则区别，咱也不知道这个本质区别和原则区别之间到底又是什么区别，就是它既不是资本主义也不是社会主义，所有的约束体制都无法建立。你用社会主义去约束他，他说他不是社会主义，他和社会主义有原则区别；你用资本主义去约束它，他说他不是资本主义，他和资本主义有本质区别；结果是他想怎么干就怎么干，为所欲为，没有任何约束，这个社会就全乱了。就像现在，如果突然冒出一批有中国特色的男人，这个社会就全乱套了，他进女厕所时说我不是男人，我和男人有原则区别；他进男厕所时又说我不是女人，我和女人有本质区别；他哪个厕所都能进，想进哪个就进哪个，那男女厕所秩序就全乱了。大家都在讲特色，国家讲特色，单位讲特色，个人就也跟着讲特色，世界上还有真理和普适价值吗？

现在连西方国家工人100多年前争取到的五一劳动节，在中国都变成了五一老板节！站在台上的优秀党员、劳动模范，都是肥头大耳的老总！为什么？人家老板比你工人重要，属于先进生产力，五一劳动节自然就变成五一老板节了。

中国政治伦理堕落到这种地步，如何不在价值观上成为历史被告！

若真修道人，不見世間過，若見他人非，自非卻是左，他非我不非，我非自有過，但自卻非心，打除煩惱破。

法講內學，向內不向外，從自己內心裡面去做，如果向外求永遠不能解決問題，天天反省，天天改過，知道自己的毛病，將毛病改正，這是修行。

一個真正的修道人，要常自見己過，不見世間過，如果喜歡看別人的不是，自己有這種是非心，那也是心地不正。

別人有不對的地方，但我不能有這種心，如果我有這種喜歡看別人是非的心，那我自己也是心地不正。

所謂『說人是非者，便是是非人』。因此只要能夠除去喜歡看別人是非的心，就能夠去除 無明煩惱。

的確，一個修道者要常自見己過，不見世間過，因為學佛是在看自己，不是在看別人，所以藏傳佛教把佛教稱為「內觀學」，也就是要我們看自己。

在《六祖壇經》裏面有一段話：「若修不動者，但見一切人時，不見人之是非善惡過患，即是自性不動。善知識！迷人身雖不動，開口便說他人是非長短好惡，與道違背。」

像早期有一些到我們禪堂禪修的人，時常喜歡看別人的不是，甚至喜歡批評別人，或者批評禪堂，雖然坐的像一尊佛一樣的如如不動，但是一下坐就說人家的是非，批評他人的不是，這些都是與道相違背的。

記得前幾年我到本山某個別分院去上禪修課，下課後有一個女警官來問我問題，她說：「師父！我現在很苦惱，我們分局最近來了一個臨時工，是一個女孩子，是某 議員的親戚。自從她來了之後，時常在分局裏面搬弄是非，把分局搞得烏煙瘴氣，師父您有沒有方法幫我解決這個煩惱？」

我說如果我告訴妳方法妳能夠做得到嗎？她說只要是師父講的我一定做得到。我說：「好！妳從現在開始把自己所修的功德全部迴向給她。」
她非常驚訝的說：「還要我把功德迴向給她！？我沒有詛咒她已經不錯了，怎麼可能再回向給她！」

我跟她說：「妳不是說要聽我的嗎？妳一直講她不好，她真的有這麼差嗎？」

於是我就跟這警官講一則故事：以前聯合國有一個親善大使，有一次到法國巴黎去訪問，他訪問一趟回來後，就在媒體上公開批評，說法國巴黎的人民是世界上最糟糕的人民，機場服務人員的態度非常惡劣，計程車司機的服務態度也很差，路上的人民很不友善，都是苦瓜臉。後來他在一篇雜誌上看到一段話：「世界是一面鏡子，當你看到世界上的一切，其實都是看到你自己」。這段話給他很大的震憾！

後來有一次他又到法國巴黎去訪問，這時候他就自我改變，當他遇到海關人員的時候，他就主動打招呼問候海關人員，並感謝他們的辛勞；路上叫計程車的時候，也 主動跟司機互動，並感謝司機載他一程；路上遇到每一個人他都主動跟他們打招呼，臉上掛滿了微笑。這一趟回來他又主動在媒體上發表，這一次他不是批評，而是公開讚美法國巴黎的人民是世界上最友善的人民。

各位，法國巴黎的人民有沒有改變？當然沒有！改變的是這位親善大使自己的內心，內心一改變，世界就不一樣了。我跟這位警官說，妳一直說這位女同事多麼不好，她真的有那麼差嗎？她真的一點優點都沒有嗎？妳應該要多看她的優點，不要只看她的缺點。

接著我又跟他講了一則故事：舍利弗尊者有一次跟佛陀說：

「世尊！我們常常聽您在讚嘆十方諸佛的國土都是非常清淨莊嚴，而您的國土裟婆世界五濁惡世，怎麼這麼污穢不堪呢？」

這時候有一個天人，聽完後，便對舍利弗尊者說：

「尊者，你不能這麼說喔！以我們天人來看釋迦牟尼佛的國土，這裟婆世界是非常清淨莊嚴的！」

佛陀怕舍利弗不相信，就用他的腳的大拇指按地，當大姆指按到地上，大地整個變成金黃色，非常清淨莊嚴無比的佛土就出現了。

佛陀就跟舍利弗說：

「舍利弗，這才是我的淨土。因為你心中不清淨，所以看到的佛土才會不清淨。」 我跟這位警官說：因為妳心中不清淨，所以看到的也都跟著不清淨。我就教她回去之後，把修行、念佛的功德全部迴向給她的同事，並且要多看她的優點，不要只看她的缺點。

一個禮拜過後，她又來上禪修，她告訴我：「師父，太感謝你了，我現在覺得我那一位同事也很可愛啊！」

世界是一面鏡子，當我們看到世界上的一切，其實都是看到我們自己。當我們覺得某個人很差勁，其實我們可能也差不多；你覺得某個人莫名其妙，你可能也差不多；你覺得這個人很阿彌陀佛，你可能比他更阿彌陀佛。畢竟這個世界是個不圓滿的世界，凡事不可能都順心如意的。

因此改變別人最快的方式就是改變自己，改變 別人不容易，改變自己比較快。學佛就是在改變自己，淨化自己的心靈，自己的心清淨了，那我們看到世界上的一切也都跟著清淨了。如《維摩詰經》所說的：「心 淨則國土淨。」心清淨了，一切都跟著清淨！希望大家都能夠做一個真正修道者，凡事常自見己過，不見世間過，以佛心來看世間，如此生活必然能夠自在灑脫！

( 佛光山 慧昭法師 禪堂開示錄 )

Linkin Park – Numb

lyrics:
I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) [Chorus] I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me Holding too tightly afraid to lose control Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take [Chorus] I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me with someone disappointed in you [Chorus] I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you [Chorus] I've become so numb I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be I've become so numb I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be.
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佛教徒可以有感情生活吗

所谓感情，是指男女之间、亲子之间和朋友之间的关系，亦即爱情、亲情和友情。佛教徒仍是凡夫，不可能没有父母，也不可能没有朋友，而除了出家人之外，佛教徒也应有个人的配偶。佛把众生称为「有情」，也就是说脱离以上三种情，就不是众生。而且，学佛是由众生来学的，是由凡夫开始的，任何人之间的接触交往，都必须合情合理合法。如果佛教只讲离欲，则无法使一般人进入佛门；如果佛的教化没有感情的成分，也很难教化众生。

佛法所称的「慈悲」，似乎跟感情不同，但是慈悲的基础就是人与人之间的感情，有人称之为「爱」。爱除了分为有条件和无条件之外，也有「有我」和「无我」之别。佛菩萨的慈悲是无我的，人与人之间的爱是有我的；亲子之爱是无条件的，男女之爱和朋友之爱则可能是有条件，也可能是无条件的。佛法是要从基础的爱来引导至无我的慈悲。

由于佛菩萨可以无我，众生不可能无我，因此要教导众生从有我的爱而渐渐进入无我的慈悲；也需要先从有条件的爱，而加以净化成无条件的爱。因此，佛教不能一开始就叫人离开感情生活。

至于佛教徒应如何处理感情问题呢？家庭是感情关系的基础。家庭的基础从伦理上说是亲子之情，它的构成始于男女的夫妇关系，继而从家庭成员扩展到家庭以外的亲戚朋友。这都是因家庭的需要和社会的活动而形成友情的必要。中国有句俗谚说「在家靠父母，出外靠朋友」；又说「夫唱妇随，白首偕老」。这些都是以感性的情为基点。如果没有情，就像机器没有润滑的油，随时都可能发生故障，也很容易因摩擦而受损伤。佛法目的不外为教化世间凡夫，诱导凡夫将矛盾化为和谐。因此，佛法有两个不变的法门──智慧和慈悲。智慧是理性，慈悲是感性；以智慧来指导慈悲、运用慈悲，就可使凡夫的情感从混乱变为条理，从矛盾成为和谐。情感如果离开理性的智慧，就会泛滥成灾，自害害人。

有一部佛经，叫《六方礼经》，其中提到释迦牟尼佛时代的印度，有一种宗教信仰，教人专门拜方位。如有一次佛看到一位叫尸迦罗越的青年，正非常虔诚地礼拜六个方位，便问他拜的是什么。那位青年说不出所以然，只回答这是父亲的意思，父亲在世时拜方位，他去世之后儿子也应照著拜。佛陀告诉他，佛教也拜六方，如其以孝顺父母为东方，恭敬师长为南方，夫妇互相体谅为西方，爱护亲友为北方，体恤仆从部属为下方，尊敬出家修行人为上方；同时并说明了父母对儿女、师长对弟子、部属佣人对主人以及修道的沙门对俗人，各别所应具有的态度和责任。像这些都属于感情的范围，是人间的伦理关系。能够善于处理感情问题而过正当的感情生活，就是修行佛法的开始。

《维摩诘所说经》的〈佛道品〉中，记载普现色身菩萨与维摩诘的一段问话。

菩萨问维摩诘说：「你有父母妻子，也有亲戚等眷属，还有部属和朋友，这不是很累赘吗？」言下之意是你既是一位大菩萨，却又拖家带眷，怎会自在呢？维摩诘答道：「我的母亲是智慧，父亲是度众生的方法，妻子是从修行得到的法喜，女儿代表慈悲心，儿子代表善心和诚实；我有家，但它代表毕竟空；我的弟子就是一切众生，我的朋友就是各种不同的修行法门，在我周围献艺的美女就是四种摄化众生的方便。」

这一品涵盖了在家人生活环境中的种种人事物，维摩诘不但不因有这些累赘而不自在，反以大智慧来运用大慈悲。他虽然过著与一般人相同的感情生活，但是自有其解脱自在的内心世界。

可见，佛教徒并不需要排斥感情生活，但看其能不能以理性来指导感性；以感性来融合理性。能够以理性的智慧来指导感性的情感，生活一定过得非常丰富、顺利、左右逢源，而且自利利他。

所谓佛法的指导和智慧的原则，是教我们如何处理感情问题，而不是要我们放弃、排斥或厌恶感情。如果用情不当，会带来困扰；用情没有节制，也会造成灾难。例如：父母对子女固然要爱护，但是溺爱，反而害了子女；男女之间应该相爱，可是婚外情或婚前复杂的感情生活，不仅会惹来家变的麻烦，也会给社会制造纠纷。另外，对亲戚朋友以及师生之间、主仆之间等等关系，也都要基于理性而付出感情，否则徒生困扰。佛法，并非反对感情生活，而是要指导我们如何过合理合法的感情生活。